a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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