No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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