Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
