Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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