I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
