I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
