I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
