I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
