Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize