She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize