Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a hot homeless man
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
