sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
