I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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