We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
