He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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