Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
