Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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