he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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