I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
