just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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