How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
