well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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