I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
