just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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