I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My ATM looks so different sober.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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