I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
