So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
