bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
