dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
