You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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