Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
