Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
