I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
