Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
