After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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