i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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