fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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