We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
