I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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