trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
And then he peed in my hair
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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