Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
