I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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