did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
