Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
