That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
