You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
