I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
this is an emotional support booty call
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
