ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
