I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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