I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
