apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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