He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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