please come you make the beer taste better
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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