so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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