I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
