You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We got so high we made milksteak
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
