Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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