we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
