Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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