i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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