You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
