it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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