She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
