She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
