fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
