So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
