he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
