Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You can't special order awesome
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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