Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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