It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize