I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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