I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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