im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
