well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
