How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
