Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
