Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
