hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
