I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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