My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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