note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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