you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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