She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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