my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
