I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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