Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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