I understand Curling. That high.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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