Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
