Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
