Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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