I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize