The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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