How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
