you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
