but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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