I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
