Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
