she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
