Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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