i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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