New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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