no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
