I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
